This morning, I was out early to get to the 7:30 mtg to see my buddy Jonathon’s picture of Monica roping at the rodeo. Walking in, the room was packed, and it was great to see everyone there. After the reading on Step 7, Warren started, sharing about trying to practice the principles in all of our affairs – especially at home. I love how Dr. Paul talks about his magnifying mind’s ability to focus on all of the flaws and defects. Like Dr. Paul, I knew you wanted perfection and was happy to point it out to you! Underneath I discovered a scared person afraid of criticism, afraid I wasn’t enough. My armor of ego & pride covered up the real me; bolstered by alcohol and drugs, I was able to project that image long into sobriety. Another person shared about suffering from BMS - Big Mouth Syndrome! Stephen B. shared that after a few years in sobriety, his feelings started to awaken, and he didn’t know what to do with them. Mine are still defrosting! Like the Pink Floyd song, Time/Breathe, “I was always trying to run to catch up with the sun; racing around and it came up behind me again.” Thanks for showing me a new way to process emotions and live.
After the meeting, some of us met at Monica's for breakfast. She was so excited to see the blown up photo Jonathon had taken. It was full of love, roping a cafe with great emotion. There's no need for any more quiet desperation! I've come home again.
Thank you for 12 Steps and a Fellowship of people on a spiritual path brave enough to share honest emotions. I would have missed not knowing how to relax and take a breath. Thanks for continuing to show me the way!