Reading the meditations above, I reflected back on my journey in recovery. I had struggled for years to manage, control, and quit using a combination of drugs & alcohol for good. Exercise, tennis, golf, a new diet, resting. getting a tan and a new shirt; these were things I thought would help me. Yet, the obsession kept coming back; I felt so uncomfortable in my skin, sober, that I had no choice but to pick up. After 6 months of brief periods of abstinence, I came to you. Walking in, I felt so scared, lost and beaten.
A stupid cup of coffee in a styro cup, a seat at a table, and a person next to me poking me on the shoulder saying, “If you’re new, stand up and introduce yourself” broke my trance. Where am I? What the hell is this?
After the speaker, you came up, introduced yourselves, gave me a meeting list, a stupid looking book you called the Big Book, and told me to get a sponsor. I did and have been using those tools ever since. Calling my sponsor, I told him how confused I was, how codependent I felt, how stupid this thing was. He laughed, and said, “Steve, you are sober. Are you craving a drug or drink?”
Huh, I wasn’t, but I wanted freedom, happiness, a sense of power & control; but I didn’t want to drink or use. How did that happen?
I was impatient; I want it all now; feeling confident, having a happy family, and being free of the debts I’d piled up chasing the illusion of being a big shot. You told me to keep coming back; to focus and work on the 1st Three Steps: I Can’t; He Can; I think I’ll let Him.
You helped me walk through these steps and they've worked! They are still the launching pad for new life.
Yesterday morning, my son Aaron came to Gails for coffee and a bagel. We sat at her kitchen table, laughed and caught up about real things in life. Zach came in to help with some electrical issues and showed us pictures from his latest travels; his wife bungee jumping in Moab! Recovery is just like that; listen to the instructor, grab the rope, hang on, and jump in. I couldn’t find or buy a thrill that lasted; in recovery, surrounded by you, it’s a wild ride; new horizons & opportunities keep opening up & I want to do it again.
Thank you – like the song says, “Step back Jack, Let’s do it again!”