When I first read Dr. Alcoholic Addict in the 3rd Edition, I immediately connected with Dr. Paul’s story. That is what I observed growing up, and also, how I was operating. My Dad, H.P. Leitz was a brilliant mechanical engineer, perfecting the assemblies of the ‘57 Chevys and ‘67 Camaros with the highest quality ratings. Dr. Paul said, "I could see the flaw in everything, and I was glad to point it out to you, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did." My problem was my magnifying glass got focused and burned thru everything tearing it all apart in the drive for attention and success.
When I first heard the term Higher Power, I thought of my Dad. I wanted to be HP Leitz II; now, in recovery, uncovering the causes and conditions, I see how destructive that thinking and attitude was, and still can be. That’s why Dr. Paul called his 7am meetings, Attitude Adjustment Meetings. We have them here in PHX too: MAAM! Mens Attitude Adjustment Mtg. Somedays, I need it bad!
Yesterday, my inner chief critic was raging. Planning our trip with Gail, I wanted every detail to be perfect. I was getting twisted up over the littlest thing. You told me to write out the “causes & conditions” that made me uncomfortable; today, I try to use that awareness in Steps 6 & 7.
Today, they crop up to rock the boat; it’s a miracle the waves don’t throw everyone out into the water. I said some prayers and we had a great morning. Everything got planned out; some of it her way!
Gail left, and I got to the Hogans Heroes Mtg. early. Seeing some friends, I also met a 28-year-old guy, Max, who was our speaker. Young, good looking, charming & smart, he shared all of the qualifications of a real alcoholic. It didn’t matter to him what container his fix came in; the miracle is that he landed here, willing to do the work.
After a great share, the ticket meeting format had many others sharing their journey of trying best to let go. Let go of what?
You told me the 12 Steps are to help uncover the flaws in our makeup; to quit playing God and to let God be God. To be free.
That’s harder than I thought! But one day at a time, there is progress, laughter, tears, freedom and joy.
Thank you for letting me be myself again, for allowing me to let you be yourself. It's an amazing journey I would have missed.