You told me early on I had to quit playing God. You had me read “Acceptance Was The Answer.” Dr. Paul wrote, “Shakespeare said all the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players. He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaws in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did.” That was me. Why was I like that?
Now trying to recover and be happy, it wasn’t helping me. I started an inventory of why, how and when. I discovered my flaw of judging others was to get a false sense of superiority. Underneath, I was afraid you’d see that I wasn’t perfect.
What exactly was I so afraid of? That thought started another list.
Sitting at the Lunch Bunch meeting yesterday next to my good friend Scott M., he talked about the ability to show his “low cards” in men’s meetings enabled him to open to his true self, & raw emotions, with both joy and sadness. Unraveling the passing of my brother, I could see that Bob and my best times together when I wasn’t judging or being critical. Just enjoying life.
Later, decorating the gravesite of Paul A. with Bobbie, Jill and Gail for Memorial Day, I delivered a pizza as they were making a large American Flag to cover his grave! Why not continue to celebrate his life & life in the Spirit? We played some Pink Floyd & Neil Young.
We placed his cowboy boots with little flags coming out next to the big flag. When I stood back, it was perfect. What a gift in Spirit!
Who cares about the little details? In recovery, you’ve given me an overall vibe I could never capture before.
Today, I’m not alone anymore. Help me continue to embrace Your priceless gift of recovery.
