The meditations today about false idols reminded me of watching Charleston Heston as Moses in the movie, The Ten Commandments. When handed the tablets, each commandment was written by a lightning bolt, described as the "finger of God" writing the laws. That scene was so powerful.
I asked myself what was driving me all of those years living in alcoholism and addiction?
It certainly wasn’t the finger, hand or heart of God. It was my efforts to live on self-reliance; as the Book describes,"driven by the 100 forms of fear, self-delusion, self-pity and self-seeking."
And they still crop up today. Sitting at the Franciscan renewal Center yesterday with friends from the NY Men’s Gratitude Group, we all shared about the realm of the spirit and our efforts to improve receiving inspiration and love. I gave a deep thanks to God for the opportunity to practice living sober and left to do yard work with Gail.
Then, at dinner with my 2 college roommates and their wives, we were seated in the overflow room at White Chocolate Grille. It was so loud; don't they know who I am? I asked if they wanted me to call my friend at the Henry to get a table; yes, that would be great.
So, I did and used his name to try to get a table. The noise quieted down, everyone decided to stay. So we stayed.
This morning, I got a call from my buddy asking me what I did; he had received a text late last night asking who I was, and why I didn’t show up!
Even though my intentions were good, I fucked up. Again, playing Mr. Big Shot failed, and caused pain and suffering.
Will I ever learn not to play God? It really is one day at a time. Thanks for helping me realize I am not God, and to keep coming back and learn to practice these principles in all my affairs!