So where the hell did I get the idea that I was supposed to be large and in charge?
Dad managed well; he rose from engineer to Plant Engineer, then Plant Manager, Camaro, General Manager of GM Truck & Bus. All you needed to do was concentrate, try hard, and manage well. That illusion, carried out by me to the best of my ability, landed me in the Motel 6 throughout New Mexico, lost, shaking, underweight and broke. And I might add, broken; self-reliance had failed. I had tried my hardest, & lost.
Walking into AA in shame, you handed me a cup of coffee (in a Styrofoam cup!), told me to sit down, stand up, sit back down, and go sit in a circle. WTF???
I thought I was being indoctrinated into old world or new age Christianity!
The next day, I called my sponsor to explain that I was Jewish. He laughed, and said, “You don’t get I, do you? Our program says to choose your own concept of God. How about there is One, and you’re not it?”
That was harsh; but the truth was, I was playing God.
Like Bill W. said, “I’d prove to the world I was important!”
And along with that goal, I was playing God in all of my affairs. You told me you had a special prayer for me. Not the Set Aside Prayer; you said for people like me, it was called the Step Aside Prayer!
Yes, I had failed to manage my own life. I had done my best & ended up in AA!
So I turned it all over to AA, and then asked God, “so who the F are you?!”
Today, I know there IS ONE who has ALL Power, and I’m not it; and that He has a perfect plan for me, and for you. Help me trust You and step aside; and also, that He doesn’t need my advice!