After complaining that life was not fair, Bill Newhall & I had a long talk. As I started to leave, he told me, “Know you’re loved; Be good to you; and just be you.” I turned around, confused. “Easy for you to say. One, I don’t know that I’m loved. Two, I don’t know how to be good to me. And three, I’m not sure who the hell I am. How are these steps gonna help?”
He said, “Come sit back down here, little tottie! I’ll explain. First, write down why you don’t think you’re loved. Next, write down the good things you’re doing. Start with not drinking & using, and being honest with someone. And three, did you ever really know who you were, or was it just a fantasy or cover up? Now that you have a Higher power in your life, you can start with being a perfect child of God. And keep writing and sharing.”
I left, my mind filled with new thoughts, hope, and possibilities. One, I was not hiding from everyone; I was starting to open up, to address my issues, & get some hope. Who gives a shit anyway what others think; I’m tired of being a slave to what everyone else thinks.
And I don’t want to just be sober; I want to be free! I continued writing, going to meetings, and doing some more prayer & meditation practice.
Most importantly, I embraced some new truths, and started to be honest about how I felt.
Hoping you find recovery is a special song for you too!