Where am I, how did this happen, why me? I’ve worked the steps, helped others, been given so many gifts, but now, I’m in a dark place. I have 11 years of sobriety; my company has been sold, I’m out of a great job, my relationship with a special woman is over. My kids are struggling. Why is everyone else so happy, what am I doing wrong?
I called my sponsor, Bill Newhall. Bill had me come to his office at Calvary in Phoenix. We went over my complaint list, the list of wrongs done to me. He agreed with me; I was being screwed over! “See,” I told him, “life is not fair.” He responded, “Steve, if you want fair, go buy a ticket. The Fair is at Veterans Memorial Coliseum, I’m sure they still have seats available!” F U, I screamed out loud. Then we both laughed, and he showed me p. 61, “Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying….. Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well?” Yes, I did have expectations; in myself, and to manage well, especially now that I’m sober. I cried. At that point he asked, “Steve, how did you get clean & sober?” Some mysterious event had happened, and I ended up in the rooms of AA. Bill continued, “Somehow, things will work out, just keep sharing & learning how to let go. And pass it on to others; you never know who else is stuck in a dark corner.”
That chapter did pass, and the waves carried me along to new opportunities and a better life.
“I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.” on p.14 is so important.
Thanks again; ALL OF the answers ARE in the book; and like the ER, in the rooms of recovery!
It’s the new drug I’ve been looking for all along!!
