After 12 years in recovery journey, divorcing my bride from Las Vegas after 5 months, I ended up back in divorce court! I’m ashamed, at another bottom. Why did I marry her? What was I thinking? How will I ever be happy?” I called my sponsor, and he laughed, and said, “what are your core beliefs?” Then, he led me to Step Seven in the 12x12: “Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted.” He had me right there! Another friend suggested I write down the values I was looking for in a relationship! What? If the girls are cute, sexy and give me attention, that’s enough! I knew I was sick right then. I wrote down 12 values, and then said the prayer, “God, help mold my ideals and help me to live up to them.” It sounds simple, but it’s not easy.
Everywhere I turn, there are beautiful women, amazing homes & lifestyles, clothing, cars, etc., etc. I need something deeper. I needed a cornerstone. It’s the Eternal Light; the spark & breath of God buried deep down. I needed to grasp that beyond all of the external things.
Yesterday was filled with so much love, expressed in the various Step meetings, with other men sharing their experience. Out of despair and struggles, an unsuspected voice, emotion, or situation opened a door they had never experienced before. The door opened to New Life, just like when I walked into my first meeting. It was a wellspring of hope, love, possibility, and power I’d never felt or thought of before. The hallway is a lot longer than I thought! You told me trust the process; trust God, clean house and help others.
Last night at Pinetop CC for dinner, walking into the dining room, I remembered all of the great times with my Mom & Dad and my 2 sons; I had wanted so bad to have this lifestyle. But instead of resentment or feeling not enough or less than, I felt priviledged & grateful! I was here, surrounded by men I love, in a program full of Miracles. I am one of them. And so are you! We heard a speaker share his struggles, and then looking around, wondered how we all got there.
Back at the cabin, sitting around the fire with my sponsor and friend, it was obvious. SOMETHING exists I cannot touch or see. It’s a cornerstone of New Life deep within! You helped me uncover, discard and discover it!
Thank you for helping me discover who I am,,,,and whose I am!