Growing up, my senses were filled with wonderful people and great memories. Playing baseball, basketball, ice hockey, picking raspberries & blackberries in the neighbor’s yard, lighting Friday night candles for Shabbos dinner, 2 sets of loving grandparents at their homes for dinners & Holidays with aunts, uncles & my cousins, going with Dad to see new cars being built in the factory, being with my Uncle Mel opening cartons of clothing to tag & put out in the stores. Then, at 13, fear started to creep in. I wasn’t enough, I felt awkward. We moved and I had to make new friends. At college, I discovered Purple Passion; it was magic! The next 15 years were spent chasing that buzz; my drink and drug of choice was “what do you have?”
Going through the 12 Steps with a sponsor uncovered a lot of baggage deep inside me. It was not pretty. I shared it all and discovered a New Freedom. For some reason, I still accumulate bad juju! So I must repeat letting go. It works!
Yesterday morning at Oasis for breakfast, I sat with a friend and shared our journeys. He asked a lot of questions, and I spoke too much. (not a surprise!) In both of our stories we agreed that underneath our acting out and our false beliefs was a precious gift: we both are miracles of God’s Grace and Love.
Last night at the 6PM meeting, we read about taking inventory. You told me to write down all of my grudges, fears & sexual history, not to make me feel ashamed, but to see what to let go of & to see the truth about “the stock in trade.” Me.
My Dad helped a crew take inventory at the factory; my uncle had us do an inventory in his clothing stores. I had never before taken my inventory. I was too busy taking yours!
Thanks for a way to discover a hidden gem: the Spirit & Soul in the center of our being that God gave me, and every one of us. Come along if you care, come along if you dare!
