Reading the meditations today, I reflected back on reading How It Works early on with my sponsor. “We had to give up our little plans & designs.” I asked, “What about my big plans?!” We both laughed, but he gave me an assignment. He said, “Steve, write down all of your plans.” When I got back home, I did that. After I finished writing, it was obvious I was grandiose and had set a concept of perfection for my life. Blaming my Dad for his perfectionistic approach to his work, I called him to tell him what I discovered. He listened and laughed out loud. “Steve, your Dad applied that to his work and did just fine. How has your life worked out?” My life was in shambles; after numerous awards, I had come out of a 6-month period of isolation in cheap motels, heavily in debt and no way of knowing how to function. He simply said, “Just Let Go, Turn it Over.”
I’ve been learning how to do that ever since. Divorce, raising kids, girlfriends, a 5-month marriage to a girl from Las Vegas and through different careers, it’s been a constant effort to let go. Then, one day, I just said, “I’m done trying to manage everything. Please, just take it all.” Years later, it’s my formula to each days approach. A huge burden has been lifted.
Yesterday at the 7:30 am meeting, the room was packed. Reading The Family Afterward, we discussed our efforts to run the show, fueled by expectations. Then, it states “we are sensitive people. It takes many of us a long time to outgrow this serious handicap.” What? Now, I’m powerless, can’t manage and I’m handicapped too? There were tears and laughter.
Acceptance of a Higher Power standing right next to me waiting to help and letting go is the answer. Or maybe He’s inside me? I must open to the Power.
Thank you for a simple solution to a complex puzzle that I’ll never complete. I can then go to sleep, beautifully written in Golden Slumbers and function throughout the day knowing all is well.
