Reading todays messages, the theme of our innermost being brought to mind my earliest struggles in recovery. Sitting in a meeting early on, the line from On the Waterfront, “I coulda been a contender” rang out loud in my mind.
The sadness, self-pity, shame was too much for me. I felt even worse than when I was drinking! I called my sponsor, and he listened for a few minutes before responding. Then, he said something that still reverberates in my being today: “Steve, your emotions are defrosting; instead of using and drinking to push those thoughts & feelings down, we now do the sharing and writing our recovery program suggests. You’re now stepping out in the right direction; take a few minutes to get quiet and write all of your stuff down.”
“What stuff?” I asked. Start with all of the self-defeating thoughts, feelings and past actions that are blocking you from inner peace and love. This is a big part of our journey in maintaining happy and useful recovery.”
The vital sixth sense, the message of love, acceptance and well-being doesn’t come from material, sex or from achievement. They are all great, but not the building blocks for the happy, joyous and free life you talked about. These old ideas must be dealt with and discarded. Why was nothing ever right or enough?
Sitting in the meeting yesterday morning, the message of Love came through. Surrounded by others who shared how theyve risen above their problems, the buzz was real. You called it a message with depth and weight.
Beyond the beauty of the beach and ocean, laughter and tears of gratitude was the real gift. It carried me through the day with Gail, walking through news of the devastation in neighboring islands. The tragedy is real, but doesn't have to shut off our sense of well-being. We are contenders today to carry the message of hope, the solution & Love. Gratitude & a sense of God’s grace was present.
Sitting at lunch with our friend Tom, sharing our journey over the summer, once again, the gratitude and appreciation for life was real.
At Java Jazz with the owner Farzad Azad for dinner, we talked about world politics and the choices we have. “Steve, he said, “life brings us both happiness & sadness. No matter where you are, where you live, where you visit, we always have an inner choice of how to feel and react. Take a breath and don't forget we can turn to the Love inside.”
Wow, really? Even when I’ve got the feeling something’s not right, here I am stuck in the middle with You! Way far better than the crowd I was with before!
Thank you for the gift of an Inner Spirit, and the ability to pass it on.