Reading today’s meditations, the message, “Sacrifice is the key to abundance” made me reflect back on my early days in recovery. Looking up on the walls, the signs, “Surrender to Win.” “Easy Does It.” and “Let Go and Let God.” seemed to make no sense. I remember way back calling my sponsor to discuss these sayings. He laughed and said, “Steve, you’re not here yet, but let’s look at Step Seven in the 12x12: “A whole lifetime geared to self-centeredness cannot be set in reverse all at once. Rebellion dogs our every step at first.” As alcoholics, driven by fear, our desires to accomplish and achieve, we became tornadoes the book talks about. That’s why it asks us to review the fears, resentments and sex issues we have. The instructions in the 4th Step in Big Book have an outline on these 3 areas. Read pages 64 – 71; highlight what you relate to or have questions about. Meetings are great, but the Program is in the book. Let’s meet tomorrow to look at it together; I’ll show you what my sponsor showed me.” When I read those pages, everything jumped off the pages!
That was me, driven by an insane desire to manage, accomplish and achieve. No wonder I became a tornado! And, no wonder my life is such a mess.
I knew then I had to take an inventory: mine, not yours! And today, I know I need to keep up the work, and call one of you when I'm feeling weird!
Yesterday, Josh & Kehau went to a play to celebrate Kehau’s birthday, while I took care of their 4 kids. No time for self. My calls, internet searching, readings, having coffee? NOPE. Focused on these 4 grandkids, time flew by. All of a sudden it was 4pm!
It was so rewarding; out of self, productive and fun! I took another train to St. Michaels Church for a meeting. The crowd numbered over 50, with many young people, and a discussion on “We Agnostics.” One guy from Ireland said, “so how was it that I was drinking & using one day, then stopped the next. It wasn’t me! Who was it?”
Me too! How did that happen? You told me that’s the 2nd miracle; the first one is that I even showed up! It wasn’t me; it had to be some New Power working through me.”
Like the Steeley Dan song says, “Get back Jack, Let’s do it again!”
