Why is it so easy to be negative, critical, and unhappy? What the hell is wrong with me? I’m clean and sober for a few months (or years!) and I am unhappy. I called my sponsor. He told me to open the Chapter We Agnostics, and we read together: “deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things.” I asked, “OK, now what??” I could hear him laughing and immediately was pissed off. He said, “Steve, this might be a chance for another inventory. Write down what’s in your psyche, what you’re upset or anxious about. Write down where your pride tells you this shouldn’t be happening to you. Then, write down the things you wish you had.”
I did, and it really surprised me. I had lots of ideas that were blocking me from LOVE.
We met at Monicas. The 3 of us ordered off the Kid’s menu, because we’re all just big Kids ( only 75, 80, and 81 years old!) We had a lot of laughs, and the food, again as always, was excellent.
I got busy with my brother’s laptop, an ongoing effort to uncover unpaid bills and close accounts.
Meeting up with Bobbie at the Lunch Bunch, we read the Foreword to 12 Steps & Twelve Traditions. Yes, if practiced as a way of life, these 12 Steps “can expel the obsession to drink and enable the sufferer to become happily and usefully whole.”
OK, the obsession, like magic, went away! Now, God, continue to show me how to be happy and usefully.
We went to The Tipsy Hippie Grill to share a Green Chile Burger. Sitting outside on the edge of the forest, we shared our grief. Letting go is a bitch, but maybe the only requirement is a desire to Let go and to Let God in.
We did, had a great time with each other and some of the staff, and went on our way. Far better than sitting at the bar with a bottle. Let it Go, Let it Flow came to mind. The Dave Mason song was one of my brother’s and my favorite songs.
Once again, it’s the message today. Thank you. I am no longer alone, but in fellowship with others and God.