Early in recovery, I had so many questions. My whole world had fallen apart; the image of myself and my view of the world was turned upside down.
I went to my sponsor's house to read the Big Book. “What’s this part about being unmanageable?” I asked. “Now that I’m 90 days sober, I ‘should’ be able to manage better, right?” He laughed, and shared his experience and understanding of the 12 Steps.
That discussion gave me a completely different perspective. My way was not working, and I kept asking for help to understand this God thing.
Yesterday after lunch with my family, I headed over to Josh’s place, where he opened his laptop to show me the project he’d been working on: delegating areas of responsibilities for new staff. His title is Chief Operating Officer; my other son was offered the job 'Manager' at MOR Furniture! My title was either Regional Sales Manager or National Accounts Manager. My Dad’s title was Division Manager.
In recovery, the term ‘manager’ takes on new meaning. Not to control, but to use the creative spark inside to help develop something we envision.
My Rabbi told me many times that being human is to wrestle with God’s writings; to study them with others to find a personal strength & meaning to fulfill a greater purpose.
That’s the same message my 1st Sponsor was trying to show me with the 12 Steps!
Today, I don’t need all of the answers. Thanks for taking me out of the swamp, and putting me on the river of dreams!