Reading the above “meditations” I reflected back on my efforts to “get quiet.” My dear friend and 3rd sponsor Stan Grant used to say, “Steve, your mind is overactive; you love to borrow trouble. Take a step back and tell your mind to go bother someone else. You have better things to do!” Stan made me laugh at myself; I wondered how he made peace with himself and with everything. “Let it all go!” he said. “God Dammit, that’s what my 2nd sponsor Bill Newhall had told me. Don’t you have the secret? I can’t help but overthink, overmanage." Stan just repeated, “Let it all go!” left, and went back into work.
Last night, walking into Lunch Bunch/Pinetop to meet my friend Caroline, we hugged & laughed about our friend Stan. “I really miss him” she said. Caroline’s husband Jim was out playing golf, and we sat looking out the back door open to the fields and forest. Our lives are full of miracles; we’ve been overpaid. Both of us now have the oldtimer sobriety Stan had; with countless & wonderful experiences living sober, we have proof of the benefits of letting go and an inner freedom! Yet we admit we’re not cured!
Stan would say “I can’t believe it’s worked for you!” Sarcasm was a free gift he offered everyone on a regular basis.
Walking into Charlie Clarks to meet up with friends, it was packed. There was a 30–45-minute wait. WTF, don’t they know who I am? Yes, they do; they told me my name is on the list and to just wait until it’s called! We grabbed a drink(water) and hung out in the bar. Just 5 minutes later, Eduardo came out from the patio & said, “Hey guys, we’ve already got a table.” Wow, how did that happen?
Stan would have said, “See, it all works out! I know it’s hard for you but relax and enjoy. You’re not in charge of everything!”
You told me there’s no dues or fees; that I’ve paid them upfront to get my 24-hour chip. Yet, my thoughts still go to, “Is that the best table you have?!” I’m lucky to even have a table!
Thank you for giving me a sense of wonder, for reminding me who I am and where I’ve been brought; and an extra special Thank-You to Stan for his demeaning and degrading sarcasm that’s helped give me freedom.