Yesterday morning, at the White Mountain Fellowship Hall, a young woman received her 10-month medallion. Growing up on the White Mountain Apache reservation, she had been surrounded by heavy drinking and using, and very few positive role models. Now applying to enlist in the US Navy, her smile was huge & everyone gathered around to congratulate her.
The hope of overcoming difficulties in life is what attracted me to keep coming back. You had Something I wanted but was not sure what it was. I kept coming back because I didn't have a better idea!
Meeting up with my buddy Dick B. afterwards for coffee, I spoke about the difficulties walking through the feelings of anger & sadness on the loss of my brother. My expectations, lack of control, and loss of future good times had me all twisted me up.
Dick offered some sarcasm that cut through the grief – who am I to demand how things should be, what Bob should have done? I should have had the power to manage this! We laughed about the meaning of insanity, and I left light-hearted.
At the 5:30 Men’s Meeting, the topic was working through feelings! WTF? Big boys don’t cry; we're supposed to manage and control everything & look good doing it - one of the huge false beliefs so common amongst us. Breaking this illusion is not easy.
When I met Gail for dinner, I brought out my old baby rattle that I carry in my backpack to bang on the table when I’m not getting my way. Wa wa wa. Maybe a 24-hour chip is all we're promised each day. Thanks for your help to continue to let all go.