Sitting in my meetings early on, I heard people share that “I grew up in a dysfunctional household; that person, this relationship, that workplace is toxic.” I went home thinking, “yeah. Me too. Mom & Dad were very dysfunctional; Dad was critical, and a perfectionist; Mom was detached, keeping the household together and in order. And in the fashion business, everyone had big egos; there was lots of drinking & using, lots of girls, even married, were looking for a drug connection or sexual hookup. I called my sponsor to explain what I had discovered. I’ll never forget it, he said, “Great. Write it all down; everything, everyone; and don't forget to write down every time you were punished, criticized & afraid. I want to see your list tomorrow." I got busy, and wrote it all out.
The next day, when we met, we read it together, and he asked me to write out more! “More?” I said. “I wrote it all out; that’s all of my problems. He smiled and said, “Write out how it's all affected you, and where you were at fault.” "My fault?" I screamed. He shared some of his experience growing up, what baggage he had carried. He asked, “Have you heard the expression, ‘Drop the Rock?’
This refers to the beliefs and hurts we’ve picked up along the way and put in our backpack; often to the point we can’t move. This is where the expression, ‘how free do you want to be?’ comes from. It’s the part of uncover, discover and discard that Chuck C. talks about in A New Pair of Glasses. Trust the process, and yes, write it out.
Today, when my brain is clouded with the message ‘can’t you see what you’re doing to me’ and my vision is messed up, I go to my inventory & sponsor instead of the optometrist!!
